A Friend, or a Friend With Benefits?

A study shows traits people look for in a friend vs. a sex or marriage partner.

• People prefer that an opposite-sex friend be more ambitious, intelligent, attractive, and of higher social status than a same-sex friend. 
• People prefer greater physical attraction, but equal sexual passion, in a casual sex vs. dating or marriage partner. 
• 66% of men and 46% of women believe a friend can become a sexual partner.

Anyone who has been stuck in "the friend-zone” can relate to Biz Markie’s hit song “Just a Friend.” 

When I asked, "Do ya have a man? " she tried to pretend 

She said, "No I don't, I only have a friend" 

Come on, I'm not even goin' for it. This is what I'm goin' sing 

You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend 

And you say he's just a friend, oh baby 

In this lyrical scenario, the men are stuck in relational purgatory. One man is entrenched in the friend zone. He presumably desires a romantic relationship with the woman but is relegated to a platonic friendship instead. The other man seems to desire a committed romantic relationship but is being treated like a casual sexual partner – what popular culture often refers to as a “friend-with-benefits.” Where is all this relationship misunderstanding coming from? Research suggests it may be due to differences in what traits people look for in a friend, a casual sexual partner, and a marriage partner.

A Friend, or a Friend With Benefits?