What Is a Grey Romantic?

Learn A Different Kind of Love

Everywhere we go we are surrounded by concepts of love and romance (and sex). Romance books and movies, Valentine’s Day, and an endless sea of “dream wedding” ideas. Our society puts heavy emphasis on finding a partner to have a romantic connection with.

But what about those who don’t really have that kind of bond with people?

Well, thanks to the burst of helpful language the LGBTQ+ community has brought about/shined a light on, we have a handy-dandy word for that. It’s called Grey Romantic.

WHAT EXACTLY IS A GREY ROMANTIC?

---

Well, first, let’s define a few other terms that will make the definition make more sense (especially if you’re new to these terms).

• AROMANTIC – is a spectrum for those who have very little or no romantic attraction to others. Or they do not feel/relate to romance in the standard ways or levels that society feels are “normal”.
• DEMIROMANTIC – is another group that sits on the Aromantic scale. It describes someone who will not feel a romantic connection to someone unless there is a deep, emotional bond.

Greyromantics sit on the Aromantic spectrum but feel “there are parts of their experience that aren’t fully described by the word aromantic.”

lgbtqia.wiki

They also might…

• Consider themselves not purely aromantic or maybe demiromantic
• Only experience society’s idea of true love only a couple of times in their life
• Feel it, but only under very specific circumstances
• Experience romance very weakly
• Be unsure where the line is between romantic and non-romantic attraction

Greyromantic and aromantic folks feel alienated from the dominant experience. If you’re constantly watching shows and reading books that prize romantic exchanges, written with the assumption that all people have the same expectations about love and romance, but you actually don’t feel compelled to find romance in your own life, it can feel dislocating.

Nothing is wrong with you, you’re not broken, and what a frickin’ treat it is to know that something doesn’t resonate with you and that’s not part of what feels good.

Sex Therapist Claudia Johnson

Also, it’s very important to remember that this does not cover sexual attraction (which is a different category altogether).  Someone who is grey romantic might still feel intense sexual attraction to someone else. And it could be someone of the opposite or same gender. An example could be grey-homoromantic.

And getting back to the idea of love. This doesn’t mean grey romantics don’t feel love. They are still capable of loving family, friends, children, etc. They just might not feel it towards a partner.

Note: It’s also spelled/called greyaromantic, grayromantic, or grayaromantic. Grey comes from the term “grey area”, which is widely used by the community to express flexibility or exploration.