Lessons from BDSM That Could Improve Everyone's Sex Lives

BDSM is not about violence; it's about trust and vulnerability.

Many couples come to therapy when things in the bedroom are not as exciting as they used to be. They ask questions like:

• “Is it even possible to keep the spark alive after 20 years of being married?”
• “My partner does not say it, but I don’t think our sex life is satisfying her anymore. How do I fix it without knowing what the problem is?"
• “We have sex regularly, but I don’t think either of us is particularly excited about it. How do we reintroduce spontaneity?”
• “I don’t want to reserve sex just for anniversaries and birthdays. How do we make it a normal part of our lives again?”

People might blush at the mention of whips, binds, and blindfolds but research has shown that members of the BDSM (Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism) community tend to be more satisfied sexually. If we look past the props and sex-dungeon imagery typically attributed to the group, we can see that there is much to be learned from BDSM’s core philosophy of unapologetic authenticity, safety, and clear communication.

Here are two pieces of wisdom from the world of kink and fetishism that almost every couple can incorporate into their sex lives.

Lessons from BDSM That Could Improve Everyone's Sex Lives